Weather Recap

OK, I’m still getting the obligatory “are you OK?” messages from well-meaning-US-citizen-types-and-maybe-some-immigrants-because-who-the-hell-knows-people” just because we had a thunderstorm with a name attached.  So, to give you a sense of JUST HOW BAD it got here (and thanks to our always-available source of criticism:  WLBT), here’s how bad it got:

ImageA fire destroyed a house.  A vacant house.  A house completely void of furniture or appliances.  One that eerily resembles a house that I would do amazing amounts of crack in if I did crack.  That house.  Cause?  The hurricane.


ImageA power line fell.  And it was angry.  It was spitting fire and the electricity was making sounds that were almost human…  Something about the upcoming plagues on mankind, or four horsemen or something or another.  And complaining that energy rates were too damn high and it was all due to the Middle East.  I don’t know, really.  The volume was too low.

ImageA tree fell on the last 15 feet of a trailer 45 MILES AWAY FROM JACKSON!  TO THE EAST!  AWAY FROM THE HURRICANE!!  GET THE PICTURE!!!  But, are you stupid enough to think that isn’t related to the hurricane??  Hmmm?  Well then, Mr/Mrs/Ms/Gay Smarty Pants, then look at the name of the owner of the trailer:

ImageThat’s right:  KATRINA!  Eat it, you simpletons!

In retrospect, I think WLBT should have done a story on the lunch menu at Exxon.  They misspelled the word “beef”.  Hmmm…. accidental?  Really??



Hello, Hell. Here I Come.


On Thursdays, Glamour Shot offers discounts for kids with Downs Syndrome.  Either that, or it must be Pippi Longstockings day at the March of Dimes.



This is why librarians shouldn’t reproduce.  The apple apparently didn’t fall far from the Butterface tree.  Although, I guess it could be mother-daughter day at the Omega Mu house.



Unfortunately right after this picture was taken, daddy fell to his death while tightrope walking at a Barnum and Bailey Circus performance.  And I’ll bet that I’m not far off on this one…  They either live in that trailer park or else that’s the living area for the “carny” workers. 


Bring Me Solo And The Wookie


Mom is the love child of Jabba The Hut and Boss Hogg’s wife on The Dukes of Hazzard.  She still has a taste for Jawas.


The Mormon Brady Bunch


Well, at least we know that there is an Olan Mills Studio in the greater Salt Lake City, UT area.  Jesus, how many kids are you going to have, lady?  I’m surprised her uterus hasn’t fallen out.  And her husband looks like Hulk Hogan’s retarded brother.  Somewhere there is a Target store that ran out of blue Hawaiian shirts.


I found a new website you have to check out.  It has pictures like this:


Holy hell.  This is pure blog gold!  I’m going to put up a few for your enjoyment.  Who’s the dad in this one?  Seriously?  I’m guessing the one with the moustache, but that just means he’s a guy.  I think he married another dude.  Wait … wait… wait…  Now I think I know who wrote this book:


Katrina, The Waves and Christina

Here’s a personal aside while I ride out thunderstorm Hurricane Isaac.

People around here are crazy and have short memories.  I fully understand that those in low-lying coastal areas are going to be hard-hit by this, and ANY, tropical storm or hurricane.  I get it.  But that is the risk of living in a coastal area, right?  Not only this year, but for every freaking year to come.  Ever.

But, this thing is now being compared to the costliest natural disaster and one of the five deadliest hurricanes ever.  It killed 1,836 people, for Christ’s sake.  Isaac was a freaking Cat 1 with 80 mile per hour winds.  Uh, hello Weather Channel.  I know that you get tired of telling everybody about how bad the traffic is going to be in the greater Scranton, PA metropolitan area due to heavy rain.  But, really?  Sorry, guys…  No more credibility with me.


And a small note for the folks in Mississippi who stayed put because you placed your faith in the meaning of the storm’s name “God Will Protect Us”…  I’m just waiting for Hurricane Jabez (Trouble), Hurricane Jeremai (Throwing Forth Waters), or Hurricane Abaddon (Destroyer).  Katrina is Greek and means “pure”.  Too bad you didn’t ride that one out because of the meaning, huh?


Oh, and I want to apologize to Christina Aguilera.  I’ll never forget the first time I heard her, but it’s not for a lack of trying.  I’ve been making fun of her for months because her ass was growing at a proportional rate to the decline of her career.  It’s like one of those geometry graphs that I could never understand.  Her ass is getting close to having its own ZIP code.

Well, now I feel bad.  She just said something about “rebirth”.  I didn’t know she was pregnant.  Sorry, Christie.  When’s it due?

Breaking Political News


In the most surprising news of the year, it was just announced that Mitt Romney has been officially designated as the Republican nominee for President of the United States.  Huh?  Wow.  Talk about a real “come from ahead” result.  Why, just 90 days ago he was the only guy still in the race. 

In other news that may surprise you, the earth is round.  Wrestling is fixed.  And, it doesn’t matter what temperature it is in the room.  It’s always room temperature.  That’s all.  Just thought you’d like to know.

PS:  Somewhere there are Ron Paul supporters crying themselves to sleep.  They were “this” close!  If the word “this” means “never”.