Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

An escalator can never break.  It can only become stairs.  You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out of Order” sign.  Just an “Escalator Temporarily Stairs” sign.  Sorry for the convenience.

I’m sick of following my dreams, man.  I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

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