Note To Johnny Appleseed: Get A Haircut

Yahoo! steps up to the plate today to give their insightful, and sometimes paid, political foresight.  Which is roughy similar to me commenting on the technical deficiencies of The Greater Galveston Ballerina Society. 

5 Ways GOP Could Finally Settle Presidential Race:

1.  The likeliest route: Romney pulls off a clean win by the time the last state votes in June.

2.  Superdelegates can speed up the finish.

3.  A contested convention: Suddenly the long-winded roll call of the states gets interesting.

4.  Winning by losing: Santorum grabs the chance he’s been waiting for.

5.  A brokered convention: Powerbrokers toss out the candidates and draft someone new.

Oh, yeah, Yahoo! ???  Really?  Well, what if the following happened?  

1.  During the June 26th Utah debate, Santorum looks at Romney and says “I like you.  I remember when I was young and stupid, too.”  Then, Romney immediately calls him a drunk bastard.  Mormons hate foul language.  And bastards.  And alcohol.

2.  During the June 5th Montana debate, Romney calls the state “The Land of Big Sky, Drunken Indians And Crazy Militia People.”  People from Montana hate drunken Indians.

3.  During the May 15th Nebraska primary, Romney refers to Johnny Appleseed as a “hippie fag” and says that he is a drain on the whole Social Security program.  Nebraskans love Johnny Appleseed.  Hell.  They are the Home Of Arbor Day!  Don’t believe me?  Check their signs.

4.  During the May 22nd Arkansas primary, he actually shows up in Arkansas.  Bad move.

So, after careful review of my drunken insightful logic, you will see that Yahoo! has no frigging clue what they’re talking about.  But then again, I sound reasonable only because I just took my medication.  Tell me you love me.

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