Hey, Y’all…. Watch This!

‘Serpent-Handling’ West Virginia Pastor Dies From Snake Bite

A “serpent-handling” West Virginia pastor (Mark Wolford) died after his rattlesnake bit him during a church ritual, just as the man had apparently watched a snake kill his father years before.  Robin Vanover, Wolford’s sister, told the Washington Post that 30 minutes into the outdoor service, Wolford passed around a poisonous timber rattlesnake, which eventually bit him.  “He laid it on the ground,” Vanover said in the interview, “and he sat down next to the snake, and it bit him on the thigh.”  Vanover said Wolford was then transported to a family member’s home in Bluefield about 80 miles away to recover. But as the situation worsened, he was taken to a hospital where he later died.


Now I’m pretty confident that I’m not supposed to laugh at the death of another human being; a family member in the life of our conjoined human existence.  As some of you have insinuated, I very well may be an agent of Satan.  But, my duties are largely ceremonial and not worthy of mentioning in the team program.  With all of that said:  HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

It reminds me of a joke that I just made up:

JOKE:  Why should you NOT handle poisonous snakes?

PUNCH LINE:  They can kill you.

Yep.  Just made that one up!  Hey, 99% of all preachers give the other 1% a bad name.  And this fool brother made up 90% of that census.  And I’m even more stupid than this guy because I should be living in WV and borrowing money from the preachers of churches with names like “The Apostolic House of the Lord Jesus in Matoaka“, the name of the church of the recently deceased snake kisser.  Eventually, like casinos, the house (snakes) win.  Just kiss enough of them, or roll the dice long enough, and you lose.  No money coming back!  YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU, AMERISTAR CASINO!!!!!!!  Three seven-outs in a row?  Just bad luck?  My ass.

Oh, sorry.  Never mind the last note.  Anyway,they say that change is inevitable except from vending machines.  It’s true, too.  Well, we may need to amend that saying.  “Change is inevitable except from vending machines, AND from West Virginia, snake-kissing preachers.”  Hey don’t look at me like that.   Look back at the first sentence of the article. Like father, like son?

PS:  Tell me that preacher doesn’t (didn’t) resemble the ex-head coach of the Ole Miss Rebels Black Bears!



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