Children Of The Cornhole

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Passed the whole “inspirational book shelf” at the Exxon today and saw this book:  52 Things Wives Need From Their Husbands.  I didn’t have time to pick it up for a fantastic early Christmas gift for myself, or even have a chance to thumb through it.  But, I can guess what’s on the list:

  1. Having a husband who sits there quietly like a bag of rocks while “somebody” blathers on and on about some other lady who is a mean bitch and who has kids that should have been swallowed instead of being allowed to swim freely as DNA.
  2. Having a husband who takes the role of “emotional tampon” who gets to hear all about a problem that you could solve in about 20 seconds if you could just get a damn word in edgewise.
  3. Having a husband who doesn’t brag to his wife’s family that he can quote every word from those parody porn movies, like The Empire Strikes From The Back,  Chitty Chitty Gang Bang, and especially Bumfight At The Old Gay Corral.
  4. Having a husband who doesn’t pass random strangers in Walgreens and say “Hey, didn’t we sleep together in college?  Are you sure?  I think we did..”
  5. Having a husband who realizes that there is a food that stops you from having sex.  It’s called wedding cake.  Duh.
  6. Having a husband who doesn’t have the philosophy of “If it doesn’t fit, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.”
  7. Having a husband who pays for ____________________ (Fill in the blank with whatever you like.  This will take the place of numbers 8 through 52).

I don’t know if it’s applicable here, but somebody once told me that the difference between a wife and a girlfriend is about 40 pounds.  Can that be accurate?  You think that’s in the book?

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