I Must Eat You

News break:  apparently there is something called the Family Research Council.  And yesterday, a guy named Floyd Lee Corkins II allegedly went to their Washington, D.C., headquarters while they were trying to do all of their researching and such and opened fire.  Nobody was apparently killed, but I don’t think it was for a lack of trying.

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You see, Floyd was carrying a Sig Sauer 9mm pistol and only got caught because he was confronted by a security guard in the lobby.  He now faces charges of “interstate transportation of a firearm and ammunition”—a federal offense—along with the “intent to kill while armed.” The offenses carry a maximum penalty of 10 years in prison for transportation of a weapon, and 30 years for intent to kill.

Do you know why this really caught my attention?  And hold onto your nuggets folks….  THIS is the headline:

FAMILY RESEARCH COUNCIL SHOOTING SUSPECT HAD 15 CHIK-FIL-A SANDWICHES IN BAG, FBI SAYS

Old Floyd “had been volunteering recently at a community center for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people” and hated anybody that was anti-LGBT.  Or LBJ.  Or PB&J.  Or BLT.  Or whatever the hell.  But what makes the headline?  The fact that he had 15 Chik Fil A sandwiches.

Uh, if he hated Chik-Fil-A, then why did he buy 15 sandwiches?  I don’t have a damn thing against anybody who’s gay.  Really.  But he did more than I did to promote the restaurant.  In fact, he did 15 times more than I did to support them.  But why is it that Chik Fil A is now associated in the headlines with a guy that intended to commit mass murder?  Hey, liberal media….  You wouldn’t be biased, right?  Right?  Hello?  Bueller?  Bueller?

The FBI said it found Corkins with “two additional magazines loaded with ammunition and an additional box of 50 rounds of ammunition.”  But I’m guessing that if they would have bothered to look a little closer, they would have found 15 bags of fries and maybe even 15 large sweet teas.  Unless Floyd got hungry on the way to the Family Research Council building.  Hey, planning mass murder can really make a man hungry.  Or a LGBT hungry.  Or President Johnson hungry.  Oh, hell… you get the idea.

PS:  Are those Rocky IV boxers that Floyd’s wearing?  You know… the one where Rocky fought the Russian?  Is Rocky anti-Chik-Fil-A?  Damn.  I hope not…

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